She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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