Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
