wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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