I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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