Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
