I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize