just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
