I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
