would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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