The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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