I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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