So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
