Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
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I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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