I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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