I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
