After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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