he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We are two peas in an std pod
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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