Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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