i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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