two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
