he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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