a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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