I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
