when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
