You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
