Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
