I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
