Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
