I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Vodka?
Forever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
