I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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