I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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