I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
