Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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