Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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