Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
