did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
