I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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