Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
