You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
