its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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