We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
