im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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