The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
