I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
