Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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