I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
