He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
