Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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