the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
