I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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