I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
