Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
