Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
In America we eat man semen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
