you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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