so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
