i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
