Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
