Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
