That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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