Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize