I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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