It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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