i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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