we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
