we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
