just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
