Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
