I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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