her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
