I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
