Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize