some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
