woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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