Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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